Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found puke in my bra..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
