When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I died a long time ago.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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