You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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