Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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