The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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