I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
