i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
