its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize