yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize