I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
