I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
