why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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