What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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