This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize