This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
