Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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