then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
