i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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