I'm lost and stupid without you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
