On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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