The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
