mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
