I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize