My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I miss vodka workout Fridays
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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