I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
