also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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