so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
