Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have fence marks all over my body
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
