explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
