That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
