She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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