I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
