soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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