I looked at my own cervix.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
