How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
