I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
