Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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