the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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