Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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