loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
