In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
