I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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