dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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