i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
