Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
