strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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