her facebook's as public as her vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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