So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
