Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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