i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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