it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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