her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
