im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
