I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
