So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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