My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
