my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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