It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
