I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize