i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
