I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
...so i touched it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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