walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
