I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
