If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
