u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
