The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
